Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, "You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me."
˜ Mark 10:21
When I was discerning the call to be a nun, this passage leapt into my mind. I was 46. I had a successful career as a photo editor in Hollywood, and I had dozens of friends. My job was stressful, yet I was always terrified of getting fired. I clung to the security of the paycheck even though it was costing me my health. I'd been like that since I was 7 years old, knocking on doors offering to rake leaves for the neighbors for a quarter. Not earning money, getting rid of all my belongings and moving away from all my friends was daunting to me. I had been earning money since I was a child. How would I survive without a paycheck?
I put off joining the Convent for many years as I hovered over the threshold to the unknown. Then I was told I needed to be out of debt to enter a community, so that added another ten years. I often despaired that I would never get out of debt and that I had let God down by waiting too long. Somehow, though, God found a way. My boss suddenly gave me a significant pay raise. Friends asked me to do freelance work, and someone at church anonymously gave me $1,000. I started getting rid of my stuff and realized it all seemed like heavy weights to me. The idea of being free of all the clutter, knick-knacks and dishes I'd never used started to feel good.
When I was finally accepted into the Community of St. John Baptist, I quit my job and drove across the country with a friend. Any time I was seized with fear because I was jobless, I would repeat the words "God will take care of me" as a mantra. By the time we reached the East Coast, I had convinced myself that my mantra was the truth. I put my life into God's hands and trusted that God would take care of me.
God then showed me the abundance of a life lived in his service. I have no income and no bank account, yet I feel more cared for now than I ever have. We Sisters have all we need within our lives of Holy Poverty. We live simply, but we are blessed beyond measure by God's goodness.
Reflect: What do you think of this passage? Monastics take it literally, but it can also be interpreted differently for modern minds.
This Lenten Meditation can be found at Episcopal Relief and Development